So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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