My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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