I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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