He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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