I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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