yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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