Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
