I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
