If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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