yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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