Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
