Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
