i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
