where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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