it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
