i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
