Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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