Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
