At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
