bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
