You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
