Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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