And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
