so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
