I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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