I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
