Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
What a dumb baby whore.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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