I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
