i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
