he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
