i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
