But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
