How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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