Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
