just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
