do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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