after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
