I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
