Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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