Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
