I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
