did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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