I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
