The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
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