I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I think I am morally bankrupt
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
