It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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