Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Please don't give away my fajitas
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