every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
