well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
