I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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