He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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